First Drafts of the Parables of Jesus April 23, 2008

First Drafts of the Parables of Jesus

A.J. Packman shares with us the first drafts of the parables of Jesus over at McSweeney’s.

“But what do you think about this?” asked Jesus. “A man with two sons told the older boy, ‘Son, go out and work in the vineyard today.’ The son answered, ‘No, I won’t go,’ but later he changed his mind and went anyway. Then the father told the other son, ‘You go,’ and he said, ‘Yes, sir, I will.’ But he didn’t go. Which of the two was obeying his father?”

“The first!” cried some of the disciples.

“The second!” cried the rest of the disciples.

And Jesus said, “Wait, I messed this one up. Did I mention that when the first son went to work in the vineyard he killed somebody? Because that’s important. So, yeah, which of the two was obeying his father?”

“Uh … the first?” said some of the disciples.

“The second! The second!” cried the rest of the disciples.

And Jesus said, “Oh, cripes, also the father only has one arm. And he is riding a horse the whole time. Was that clear?”

One of the disciples said, “Are you sure that’s not ‘The Parable of the One-Armed Father Who Rode on a Horse’?”

And Jesus said, “Maybe you’re right. OK, let’s change the question: Which of the two sons was the tallest?”

The disciples were silent.

Jesus shook his head in dismay. “Have I taught you nothing?”

(Thanks to Spazeboy for the link!)

[tags]atheist, atheism, Christian, Christianity[/tags]

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  • Michael B.

    Be careful! McSweeney’s IT is one of the more addictive sites on the intertubes.

  • This reminds me of the great Crash Test Dummies song God Shuffled His Feet.

    So he (God) said:”Once there was a boy
    Who woke up with blue hair
    To him it was a joy
    Until he ran out into the warm air
    He thought of how his friends would come to see;
    And would they laugh, or had he got some strange disease?”
    The people sat waiting
    Out on their blankets in the garden
    But God said nothing
    So someone asked him: “I beg your pardon:
    I’m not quite clear about what you just spoke
    Was that a parable, or a very subtle joke?”

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