Friendly Atheist Contest #24: Atheism Similes April 21, 2008

Friendly Atheist Contest #24: Atheism Similes

Last week, I ran this contest:

Atheism similes!

Fill in the blanks:

Atheists are like _______ because _______________.


Atheism is like _______ because _______________.

Here are the Top 10 responses (with submitters)!


Atheists are like butter. Once we’re warmed up we spread easily

(*The submitter’s follow-up*:)

Wife: You know there are two ways to take the “spread easily” right?

Me: What? What do you…? Oooohhh…



Atheists are like smart primates because we are, in fact, smart primates.



Atheism is like money because the only people who believe it can’t bring you happiness are the ones who don’t have it.



Atheism is like shopping at Whole Foods. All natural, more expensive to maintain the habit (at least in the States), and you’re mostly surrounded by white people.



Atheism is like bondage — both are sexy, stimulating and require an open mind.



Atheists are like sheep, because… well, because that’s what they’re like, and you’d best not question it, because that’s what our forefathers’ forefathers taught us and passed down through the ages, and back then, people knew the TRUTH and they didn’t color it up with modern lies and sinful ways, and we need to GO BACK to those days and reconnect with the early times when we were still living in harmony in the garden and not leaning on our own understanding of things we can never understand and have only progressively misunderstood even worse which is why the world has been falling apart for the last 2000 years out of the 6000 it has existed, all of which PROVES BEYOND ANY DOUBT that atheists are like sheep.



Atheism is like an integer because it is rational.

(Math reference… bonus points?)

(Hemant says: Hell yes!)

(J Myers)


Atheists are like cockroaches because for every one you see there are a thousand you don’t.

And they’ve been around forever and will never go away.

And most people react disgustedly when they see one.

(Theo Doersing)


An Atheist is like a condom: Doesn’t break under pressure, scientifically reliable, keeps away any unwanted side-effects, it beats praying and more than one usually scares the crap out of the church.

(Ray Harrington)


Atheists are like OB/GYNs. It’s our job to peer into the darkness and help bring life out of it.


Congratulations to the winners! The top three will be receiving specially-made Friendly Atheist wristbands (in the color of their choice), sent to me by blog reader Shauna and her sister Danni!


If you’d like to win your own wristband, here is the new contest:

Spazeboy recently sent me this picture:


Cute, amusing, etc.

Forget the writing, though. The first thing I noticed was the misspelling of the word “atheists.” Just a simple mistake, I figure.

Surely we could do amazingly hilarious things if we deliberately tried to misspell words…

Here’s the challenge:

Create a poster/saying about atheism or faith that becomes humorous with a *slight* change in spelling.

If you create a poster, just send it to: email.JPG

Funny and creative answers will have a shot at winning.

Good luck!

[tags]atheist, atheism, contest[/tags]

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • I’ll have to think about the poster idea, but in the meantime I have a response to the math-referencing simile:

    God is of the form 0+bi, because he’s imaginary.

  • Theo Doersing

    Alright, third place!! I thought the unpleasant association with cockroaches woulda killed my chances.

    I wonder if a terrorist cut off my head if I would still live for 3 more days…

  • hmmm

    I can only think of ones that involve omitting word(s). Does that still count?

  • I can only think of ones that involve omitting word(s). Does that still count?

    Sure, why not! Wordplay is the general theme here 🙂

  • J Myers

    Top 3? Damn—I had bonus points and everything. Uh… any extra credit?

  • Let go and let Jesus Steer.
    To meat the savior, oh so ne’er.

    see poster

  • Ray Harrington

    Second place… I am vindicated!

    As for the saying, my favorite has always been, “Atheism: A Non-Prophet Organization”

  • I do hope you aren’t limiting us to one entry per person.

  • Letter-day Saints
    Tired of being ridiculed when you leave a post on an atheist’s blog? We’ll teach you how to spell, punctuate, and capitalize correctly! Then they can only mock you for content.

  • Christians aren’t prefect…
    …they just spell-check.

  • Oops. I meant leave a comment on an atheist’s blog, not post.

  • @Susan

    How about: ∃g:g*g<0

    Oh shit, I think I just proved God’s existence…

  • I’ll toss in an idea…

  • Way to go miller – homeopathy FTW.

    Here’s another idea – some of you may not like it.

  • Here’s my submission. Bit of a play on the Ben Stein movie

  • Skeptigator – That is very similar to the t-shirt I got for my son for Christmas that said Intelligunt Desine. 🙂

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