The Problem with Reading the Bible Literally April 17, 2008

The Problem with Reading the Bible Literally

I feel the urge the vomit:


Why, dear God, why!?

(via My Confined Space)

[tags]atheist, atheism[/tags]

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  • Polly

    Funny, I just bought a loaf of “Ezekiel 4:9” (I think) bread last night.

  • jessie74

    Sounds great….and probably tastes just as good.

    After eating this “power” bar…..I would probably have enough strength to kill a couple homosexuals and stone a few witches.

  • E

    That actually sounds pretty tasty . . . and a nice alliterative name too! I wonder how long it took those marketing scumbags to vomit up that little gem?

    Check out the True Christian Church of Christ to see what really happens when you read the Bible literally.

  • Emily

    I was once in a Christian bookstore (why? I don’t remember.) that had these – I now regret not trying one. They also had free mints with the most irrelevant and random bible verses on them.

  • Jason

    Finish it off with some Water-to-Wine powdered drink mix, and you’ve got a great afternoon snack.

  • Hey, that Ezekiel bread is pretty good. It’s perfect if you’re looking for a low glycemic bread and there are several varieties to choose from. Why should we Christians have all the good stuff? Try it, you may like it.

  • HM

    Haha, man oh man, I have eaten a few of these in my time. I had a friend who worked in a Christian bookstore and he brought along curiosities like this, the Ezekiel bread, Testa-mints, and others. These are actually pretty damned good. They’re basically just granola bars, but still.

  • MercuryBlue

    Hey, if it gets people to eat healthy…

  • Why that one verse? Well… I guess if they made an “animals on the ark” bar, it probably wouldn’t taste good…

  • Derek

    The problem with the Ezekiel bread is that god demanded he cook it over is own shit. So unless you’re doing that, I doubt god will allow you to see the benefits. Otherwise it’s probably some sort of sin punishable by death.

  • Kathryn

    It makes me sad that you see random Christian stuff everywhere you look now.

    Like at clothing stores… WHY.

  • Christophe Thill

    That’s not how I pictured a Bible Bar ! A Bible Bar is a place where you should be able to order water that turns to wine, Jesus’ blood (just red wine), or some old fashioned barley beer. And when you order, the barman doesn’t answer “OK”. He says “amen”.

  • Is there a TV ad? If so, please slam it onto YouTube. Wanna see.

  • JB

    I must be leading a sheltered life, I thought this was a gag item. The next thing they’ll come up with is Jeez-Whiz, for that favorite atheist snack, Jesus Christ on a cracker. Or…on Ezekial bread (tell me that IS a gag).

    I do like Christophe’s Bible Bar idea though. I had to laugh at that one.

  • All that barley—wasted on energy bars when it could be going into a tasty malt that would one day form the basis for a fine pale ale…

  • Viggo the Carpathian

    Slap that bar between two slices of Ezekiel break, light a Jesus scented candle and afterwards eat a testa-mint… If that meal doesn’t save your soul you’re done for mate.

  • Viggo the Carpathian

    The link “E” posted is interesting. Did anyone read the section on atheists?

    Please tell me this a joke.

  • MercuryBlue

    From E’s link: “Luckily the population of atheists in America is 0.000000000000000000001% so the odds of us finding one is still slim.” Well, yes, there are kind of few people who fit their definition of ‘atheist’.

    Also: “Jesus WASN’T Italian or French or British or Thai or a Metrosexual, NO He was American.” Uh, no, he was Judean. “Literal reading of the Bible” my cupa.

  • TXatheist

    Notice the rainbow on it? Satire or just an really dumb marketing oversight?

  • Karen

    Jeez-Whiz, for that favorite atheist snack, Jesus Christ on a cracker.


  • Pffft, Bible Bar. Give me some good old-fashioned manna straight from heaven.

  • Rachael

    They’re actually pretty tasty. My dad and I used to buy them at the local Asian food market (why they had them, we never found out). It was just for kicks, really, but I’d choose one of those over a PowerBar any day…

    Oh, and I googled Bible Bars… the company also makes a whole line of “Scripture Bars”: Noah’s Nuggets, Elijah’s Fire, and Seeds of Samson (for example).

  • David D.G.

    I’m pretty sure that site that E linked to is just a parody.

    Dear nonexistent God, I *hope* it’s a parody!

    ~David D.G.

  • Erik

    Hey, maybe the bible has another use besides kindling, its a healthfood recipe book!

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