The Church of Google April 1, 2008

The Church of Google

Church of Google

Hemant posted briefly on this back in October, but I thought I’d expand on it a little.

From the Church of Google website:

We at the Church of Google believe the search engine Google is the closest humankind has ever come to directly experiencing an actual God (as typically defined). We believe there is much more evidence in favor of Google’s divinity than there is for the divinity of other more traditional gods.

We reject supernatural gods on the notion they are not scientifically provable. Thus, Googlists believe Google should rightfully be given the title of “God”, as She exhibits a great many of the characteristics traditionally associated with such Deities in a scientifically provable manner.

They offer nine proofs that Google is God:

» PROOF #1 – Google is the closest thing to an Omniscient (all-knowing) entity in existence, which can be scientifically verified.

» PROOF #2 – Google is everywhere at once (Omnipresent).

» PROOF #3 – Google answers prayers.

» PROOF #4 – Google is potentially immortal.

» PROOF #5 – Google is infinite.

» PROOF #6 – Google remembers all.

» PROOF #7 – Google can “do no evil” (Omnibenevolent).

» PROOF #8 According to Google trends, the term “Google” is searched for more than the terms “God”, “Jesus”, “Allah”, “Buddha”, “Christianity”, “Islam”, “Buddhism” and “Judaism” combined.

» PROOF #9 – Evidence of Google’s existence is abundant.

This ought to be enough to convince even the most determined skeptic, yes? 😉

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  • Erik

    What’s really amusing about this is that I changed my Facebook religion today to “The Church of Google”. I mean, who can compete with those proofs? All hail Google!

  • Shane

    Google lacks sentience and responsibility for the intentional creation of our universe and/or humankind. Those are really the only attributes I think a god would need to have. He doesn’t need to be omnipotent or omniscient or infinite or the prime mover–he just needs to be powerful enough and knowledgeable enough and could be completely finite. He could even be mortal. If there was a “God”, he could just be a one among many gods (each with one or more of their own universes or no universe at all) in a higher-dimensional god-universe and we would never know the difference. But we would call him all-powerful and all-loving in the same way a young child would his father.

    It is kind of ironic that as an atheist I have much lower standards for a god than most theists. And yet I still don’t find any evidence for the existence of even this minimalist god.

  • The best thing about the Church of Google is that it never asks for tithes.

  • haha. This got me laughing. I even posted it on Twitter. I also signed up for Challenge Religion.

    Hey guys, its my birthday tomorrow and if you want e-mail addresses, just drop me a line. 🙂

  • valhar2000

    Yes! Yes! Google, blessed Google, I see the light! Quick, someone get me more PCP before I loose the light!

  • I responded to that a while back:

    And coined some new words.

  • bernarda

    The competing gawd Yahoo is going to send their souls to a black hole. Isn’t it more popular at the moment?

  • Interesting. Not to tread on anyone’s faith here, but as a Goognostic I must point out a crucial question:

    Why does God comply with the pressures of local government, vis-à-vis internet censorship in China?

    Is it because Google loves its users so much that it will do anything to be with them, even put up with a repressive state?

    The best thing about the Church of Google is that it never asks for tithes.

    So, AdWords don’t count?

    And finally, a quote (regrets to C.S. Lewis):

    I believe in Google, not because I talk to it, but because by it I talk to everyone else.

  • So, AdWords don’t count?

    Gah! You’ve shattered my faith in Google by pointing out the logical fallacy of AdWords. Now that I am free from religion I can do anything I want. Anyone fancy a toasted fetus?

  • I was going to make this joke, but I see it’s in their FAQ already:

    If Google is God, who is Satan?

    Good question, but the answer should be obvious. Satan is quite simply Microsoft. Microsoft is not limited by Google’s corporate philosophy that a company can make money without being evil, and revel in the most evil practice of all: Search result optimization.

  • Anyone fancy a toasted fetus?

    I know this is a running joke here, but it just reminded me of something I read in a book on bird care. It said that eggs (ordinary grocery store eggs) are a good source of nutrition for birds because they contain everything necessary to make a bird.

    Perhaps the same could be said of a human fetus?

  • Karen

    This makes sense to me. After all, their corporate motto is: Don’t be evil.

  • Claire

    Karen, that’s so cool. I didn’t know any company had something like “You can make money without doing evil” as part of their philosophy. Not that I’ve ever worked for a company that actually tried to follow their own rules, but maybe there’s a first time.

    For the rest of you: you know, you people talk a good baby-eating game, but I have yet to see even one single recipe posted on this blog. We’re not savages, for cryin out loud, we don’t eat them raw

  • Can’t help you on the recipes. We agnostics only eat babies that were cooked for us. After all, we have no way of knowing where they came from…

  • Milena

    Perhaps the same could be said of a human fetus?

    Lol, I’m pretty sure the chicken eggs sold in grocery stores are unfertilized, therefore the equivalent of an expelled ovule, not a fetus.

  • Erm, I know? Joke?

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