Friendly Atheist Contest #20: Mormon Books March 12, 2008

Friendly Atheist Contest #20: Mormon Books

Last week, I ran this contest:

The Mormon church now has its own publishing imprint! The first project will be to “publish all of the known personal papers, correspondence, journals and other primary sources of Mormonism’s founding leader, Joseph Smith…”

What other titles will the Mormon church be publishing?

Here are the Top 5 responses (with submitters)!


The Three Little Nephites and the Big Bad Lamanite: A Child’s Guide to Race Relations.



Seven Steps to Removing Skid Marks from Your Holy Underwear



Six Brothers Too Many: A Critical Analysis of Seven Brides for Seven Brothers



One Wife, Two Wife, Old Wife, New Wife: Baby’s First Book of Counting and Sorting



Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune and Mercury: a relationship manual for the polygamous

(John Remy)

Congratulations to the winners! The top three will be receiving specially-made Friendly Atheist wristbands (in the color of their choice), sent to me by blog reader Shauna and her sister Danni!


If you’d like to win your own wristband, here is the new contest:

The Vatican has put together a list of “Seven Social Sins.” It includes “drug abuse” and “excessive wealth.”

What other “sins” will the Catholic Church condemn?

Funny and creative answers will have a shot at winning.

Good luck!

[tags]atheist, atheism, contest[/tags]

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  • New new sins:

    1. stargazing
    2. double dipping
    3. trolling
    4. snoring
    5. farting
    6. mullets
    7. listing new sins

  • JimboB

    Critical thinking!

  • James

    Using reason to make the faithful look foolish.

  • Renacier

    Asking smarty-pants questions.
    Back sassin’ His Holiness.
    Gettin’ uppity.

  • Jodie

    Virginity. But only in boys under 18.

  • Kyle

    Free thinking.

  • Philosopher Jeff

    Socrates Cafe
    Not Tithing
    Reading “I Sold My Sole On eBay”

  • Julia

    Be careful what you wish for… it looks like they were scraping the bottom of the barrel there. Maybe you’ll inspire the church to use some of these suggestions when they notice that the last three “social sins” are kind of redundant (“Contributing to widening divide between rich and poor”, “Excessive wealth”, “Creating poverty”).

    Is inflation sinful now, too?

  • Reading “I Sold My Sole On eBay”

    So the Pope is against the buying and selling of secondhand footwear?

  • Atheist blogging.

  • Michael B.

    Recognizing that the church has already broken at least one of the new sins
    Comparing any ‘official’ statement made by the vatican in the past to statements made now
    Thinking for yourself, since even the pope doesn’t seem to be allowed to do that

  • (Dis)honorable mentions were the following (but they were rejected):

    – “Bioethical” violations such as pedophilia

    – “Morally dubious” experiments with clerical transfer

    – Authority abuse

    – Clerical celibacy

  • Reading “I Sold My Sole On eBay”

    So the Pope is against the buying and selling of secondhand footwear?

    Something looks fishy here 😉

  • Cade

    Mentioning Limbo
    Molesting children
    Having your testicles crushed or penis cut. (Deuteronomy 23:1)

  • Wearing white after Labor Day
    Thought experiments about the lack of a god
    Failure to file proper income at tithing time

  • Oh yeah, almost forgot…

    Invoking the Spanish Inquisition.

  • Siamang

    Drinking normal-colored beer on St. Patty’s.

  • Emoticons

    The depth and breadth of human communication is vast, and is a testament to the infinite glory and wisdom of Our Father. A multitude of tongues was our punishment for hubris, and simple, derivative and easy-to-understand symbols that underscore emotion, feeling and understanding goes against the teachings of Christ.

    For years, we resisted the translation of His Holy Word into the vernacular, and our brothers in sisters in Protestantism now often claim that the King James version of the Bible is God’s inerrant word. Even now, the congrgants listen to our priests read the Gospels, and do not read along. Dense, unreadable, and nearly incomprehensible is just how we like the Holy Book, and all communication, for that matter. Understanding breeds tolerance, and tolerance is not part of God’s Plan.

    The emoticon is another symptom of the degradation and increasing secularism of society. It is beneath God, and it is beneath his faithful.


  • Old Beezle

    o Speaking Latin outside of a mass (this one’s bigger than you think)

    o Skipping the Vatican tour when in Rome (just because the Romans don’t give a damn doesn’t mean you shouldn’t)

    o Using vain euphemisms for blasphemy such as Cheese n’ Rice, Got-Down-Sat-on-a-Bench, or (the Pope’s personal favorite) Jeezy Creezy.

    o Easter egg hunts (too many behind-the-bushes temptations for priests)

    o Diet sacramental wafers (because the body of Christ is certainly not lite)

    o Loud laughter (if it’s good enough for the Mormons…)

    o Jump Rope Rhymes (Cinderella shouldn’t be teaching young girls to kiss a fella’)

    o Google Abuse (thou shalt not google more than 3 times per day)

    o Rock music (we should make it officially of-the-Devil)

    o Belonging to a quasi-political organization with billion$ in assets whose only real beef with contraception is that it keeps membership numbers down (having run out of real sins, the Catholic Church self-implodes)

  • Rest

    1. Men should always dress modestly. Wearing such things as dresses, fancy hats, and jewerly, is a sign of boisterous pride or, worse, being gay.

    2. No more making fun of the Popemobile. It’s not a lack of faith. We finally admit it – God just can’t stop bullets.

    3. No creating false religions and claiming you speak for God.

    4. Having lustful thoughts about Richard Dawkins. “He’s so cute when he’s pissed off!”

    5. Less exercising and more exorcising demons from gullible and mentally ill people.

    I’m sure I can think of more, but that’s all for now. 🙂

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