Complete the Atheist Joke #3 March 8, 2008

Complete the Atheist Joke #3

Got a punchline…?

Why did the atheist cross the road?

[tags]atheist, atheism[/tags]

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  • Julie

    To get away from the Jehovah’s Witness.

  • As a form of persecuting Christians.

  • Haha Julie I was going to say the same thing!

  • the Shaggy

    To prove it was possible to the Christian who believed God wouldn’t let him. Not that it changed his mind.

  • Julie and Jenni,
    I just asked my husband, and he said, “to get away from the Christian radicals.”

    Great minds think alike.

  • heathcliffe prove there was nothing on “the other side”

  • heathcliffe

    …it was the rational thing to do at the time

  • QrazyQat

    Because there was a car barreling down the sidewalk on this side; the religious guy behind the atheist just stayed and prayed the car wouldn’t hit him.

    Services are on Friday.

  • Steeling a line from this link:


    Henry David Thoreau:
    To live deliberately … and suck all the marrow out of life.

  • J Myers

    Why did the atheist cross the road?

    Insufficient information to form a hypothesis.

  • Goddamn Chicken

    …Because the god-damn chicken was a few hundred million years behind the evolutionary road.

  • Because he thought that people on his side of the road weren’t being real and were becoming increasingly dangerous, not least because they were clogging up cognitive evolution.

  • Goddamn Chicken

    …Because the Jew, the Christian and the Muslim were too busy arguing whose God was real.

  • Mark

    Because he wanted to make sure the other side existed.

  • GodlessHeathen

    Why did the atheist cross the road?

    “God only knows.”


  • To confirm the “Other Side” hypothesis by empirical evidence.

  • Also, to fix a gap in a fence on the other side by placing a board in the middle of it (thereby creating two gaps it its place!)

  • cygnus_darkstar

    J Myers kind of beat me to it; I was going to give Multivac’s answer from the Asimov Story: “INSUFFICIENT DATA FOR A MEANINGFUL ANSWER”

  • Goddamn Chicken

    To attend the Church of Satanism located across the road.

    Google or wiki: church of satanism for those who don’t know 😉 Hint: run by atheists. Tell me, who else would cross that road?

  • Shane

    It was completely blind chance and random chemical reactions in his brain.


    He was fleeing from a banana.

  • to demonstrate that not even a miracle could save him from the truck closing in on him…

  • greenishblue

    Right Siders have long extolled the virtues of the right side of the road, proclaiming anyone else (leftians and even centerians) to be heretics. All those who ventured to the other side of the road were, supposedly, doomed to an eternity of torture. Even looking across to the left side was strongly discouraged. However, when using objectively obtained evidence, it became more and more clear that the left side of the street was not, as had long been asserted, a sinister hotbed of hedonistic Satan worship, but was in fact lush and green with ice-cream stands and everything. Add to that the fact that there was plenty of room to move around, as opposed to the cramped right side, and the atheist (rightfully) determined that it was to his benefit to cross the road.

  • Goddamn Chicken

    Because the fundamentalist Christian was too busy praising God for the intelligently designed road.

    PS: the atheist was the road engineer.

  • The real question is what is the “road”? Control. The road is a computer-generated path built to turn an atheist into this [holds up doll of Benny Hinn].

  • HoleyHands

    Why Did The Fundie Cross The Road??

    1. He was following a trail of “Chick” tracts.

    2. To buy his beer and porn, since none of his fellow church members lived on that side of town.

    3. He wasn’t sure why, so he stopped to pray about it and was hit by a church bus.

    4. Because, there were two blacks and a jew walking on her side of the road.

    5. Taking a short cut to a new sub-division, trying to beat the mormans and jehovah’s witnesses to all those virgin doors.

    6. She was on her way to partake in one of fundieism’s most holy of rituals at the “The Big Hair Beauty Shop”.

    7. He was walking back home after the bomb he was wearing failed to explode on the bus and he had only purchased a one way ticket.

    8. She was taking a group of home schoolers on an educational field trip to an anti-abortion rally.

    9. To lay hands on that dead possum and heal it, if not, he had take home for supper.

    10. He was a black fundie walking home after a white fundie cab driver refused to stop and give him a ride.

    11. I don’t know, but it was a cross road, he stepped on a nail and suffered all the way home.

    12. He was trying to get back to his double parked cross before the meter maid could give him a ticket.

    13 He was walking to McDonalds to apply for a job after the world failed to come to an end the day before, he had quit his job and signed his car and house over to his preacher.

    14. I don’t know, but it’s dangerous as hell to cross a two lane road with blinders on.

    15. He was leading his family to the church grounds for the unveiling of the new Strom Thurmond statue.

    16 Because, the road took a LEFT turn.

    17. He was trying to find that damn chicken and exorcise it, after he heard it was laying deviled eggs.

    18. To find a better spot for his ” I Hate Fags” sign.

    19. I don’t know why, but I’ll bet he goes to hell for it.

    20. He saw the sign that read “Cross Walk”, and he wanted to walk in Jesus’ footsteps.

    21. She was taking the long way around the block to church, so all the neighbors could see her new easter clothes.

    22. He was trying to catch that damn chicken, so his wife could cook it up for the preacher on sunday.

    23. No reason…….No reason at all!

    28. (Sing Along Now) HE SAW THE LIGHT, PRAISE THE LORD HE SAW THE Light!)

  • Alycia

    Because they had cookies over there.

  • to search for god

  • Chris

    To get away from Ray Comfort

  • J Myers

    God only knows…

  • The atheist opposed the use of the word “cross” in the joke since it is a Christian symbol and would therefore propose the following:

    Why did the atheist traverse the road?

  • Sam


  • Because she needed evidence before she’d believe in the Other Side.

  • Oops, I didn’t see Susan B. Never mind.

  • Jacob Dink

    These are a bit strained. But then again, I’m not sure there’s any such thing as a good “why did [blank] cross the road?” joke.

  • The other side people got there before me, nevermind!

  • ringtailroxy

    to catch a ride with her college buddies on the eco-friendly bus that runs on grease to Margaritaville!

  • He didn’t “cross” the road; he zigzagged his way past it so as to avoid an overt display of Christian symbolism.

  • …the aristocrats!

    Wait, I’m in the wrong joke.

  • Kai

    To get to the other side.

  • Alan

    Because he had insufficient evidence of that which existed on the other side and thought it rational to test the hypothesis for himself

  • To help the “Good Samaritan.” (Since none of the religious folks would.)

  • I’ll accept that the atheist crossed the road when you can offer sufficient proof that both atheist and road exist and that the road was actually crossed. Your anecdotal stories of this crossing aren’t what I would class as proof.

  • Mike

    To rescue a baby in a stroller that was about to get hit by a speeding car!

    Then, of course, he ate the baby.

  • Drew

    Guys and gals… We all know how it feels to have this great punchline, and see someone else has already posted it. I know… it’s hard not to take any credit at all for your clever thinking. But no one wants to read ‘Oh, I was gonna say the same thing as X.” Sorry to be rude… but this is a very common occurrence!!!

    Now that I complained, I’m self-conscious about my unfunny and unoriginal joke… oh well.

    She was jogging to stay in shape, since this is the only life she’s got.

  • Sam

    jesus walks into a room of atheists and says “he who has not sinned cast the first stone.” So all of the atheists threw a stone.

  • Bill M

    Because his ____ was stuck in the chicken.

  • Frank

    to get away from Jesus

  • Lysander

    Well, praying for teleportation didn’t work, and said atheist needed to cross campus to get to the next class on time.

  • 1) To follow the chicken

    2) They actually didn’t cross it. They were going to, but then they saw everyone else doing it do, so they did something else instead.

    3) To find out why atheists cross roads

    4) He was thinking and wasn’t really paying attention

  • Philosopher Jeff

    Why did the atheist cross the road?

    It was the natural result of hundreds of millions of years of evolution.

  • Because he was ashamed of his sins and was trying to hide from God by pretending he didn’t exist. And there were no churches on the other side or something, which made his denial easier to cope with.

  • Julie

    –Because the other atheist he was dating lived over there.

    –Because he needed to buy more Fiery Hot Cheetos. Yummy.

  • Tyler Nothing

    The atheist didn’t like reading children’s fairy tales anymore, and chose to journey across the road and read something thought provoking, like “I Sold My Soul on eBay”.

  • Cade

    He just finished saying “If God exists, let me be hit by the next car.”

  • jmc

    To go to church so he could hear the power of the gospel, understand that he was a sinner, and to know that there is a penalty for sin which is hell, but to know that Christ died for his sin so he did not have to go to hell, call upon the Lord to forgive him of that sin and be saved. then he crossed the road and told all his atheist friends what happened!

  • 5ive

    Hahahahahaaa!! that one was the BEST!

    Oh, wait, you were serious, weren’t you? Oh, well, that’s awkward then…

  • Crimzen

    LOL jmc
    if there is a place called hell and we will go there for sinning
    but jesus died for our sins so we dont have to go to hell

    ….wouldnt hell be empty because we are all absolved?

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