College Callgirl at Christian Camp March 7, 2008

College Callgirl at Christian Camp

The College Callgirl recollects her childhood and time she spent at a Christian summer camp.

The kids there acted (wait for it…) shockingly unChristian!

Even at church camp, sex lurked in the forests beyond the chapel, where it was rumored that many attendees had lost their virginities. I was a graduate of the girls-only camp for the younger demographic, but the teen camp I started attending at 12 was like a den of iniquity compared to that place.

How can that be…? (Turn your innocent eyes away if you must.)

Puberty hormones and a healthy fear of God combined into a mighty aphrodisiac that had underage blondes rolling up and tying their What Would Jesus Do T-shirts to show off tan navels and the pimply, Jesus-loving boys hanging around the swimming pool drooling during the girls’ segregated swimming time. All that fire and brimstone merely stoked the fire in our loins.

But thats all outside the purview of the camp. Where’s the Bible in all of this?

… it didn’t take me long to realize that the Bible was chock-ful of kinky shit. Before I was even out of Genesis, Lot’s slutty daughters were devising plans to get knocked up by Dad. There was more rape, incest, and adultery than on Telenova, and I didn’t really notice what I was doing when one hand slipped inside my past-the-knee-length shorts.

Even with all the admittedly sinful diddling and fingering and rubbing and stroking I had done before, I had never once done something as terrible, as sacrilegious as what I found myself doing now.

You can read the post for the next sentence.

And in case you needed more proof that College Callgirl makes for an entertaining read…:

“Look who’s getting boobs!” shouted one of the girls, actually poking at the fleshy orb spilling over the top of my bathing suit. Mortified, I crossed my arms over my chest, but not before I had noticed that yes, she was right, I was getting boobs. Big boobs. Big, gorgeous boobs which would later earn me an extra 50 an hour but which at that moment seemed low on the list of things a young woman would want on her chest…

Oddly enough, while these types of stories seem to be recurring at Christian summer camps, I have yet to read similar ones from Camp Quest

[tags]atheist, atheism[/tags]

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  • Joseph R.

    I went to a Christian camp as a youngster. Boy, did I miss out on some good times. I must have gotten into the wrong line or something.

  • isaah vincent

    Saying things like that doesn’t happen at Camp Quest doesnt really SELL it to the kids Hemant. As a High schooler that didnt believe, i sure as hell would have gone to the Christian Camp if i know that stuff was going on! i may not believe in heaven but i did definitely believe in sexual shenanigans!

  • slut

    Honey, any summer camp where there are teenaged kids will have this stuff going on. It went on in the summer camps I went to, for sure. Hoo boy.

  • Vincent

    My Catholic Summer Camp had some sex going on, mainly among the teen staff though. The campers were too well supervised, and not so segregated.
    We would make fun of the Baptist camp where they would have segregated swimming time etc. That would only serve to build up the tension I figure.

    (we Catholics also had our old joke about the Baptists: Why don’t Baptists have sex standing up? It’s too much like dancing.)

  • I like tea

    God damn it, I went to Christian summer camps a few times in my early teens, and I never got laid. 🙁

  • Hemant, where do you FIND this stuff? Hahah.

  • Karen

    Damn. I obviously went to the wrong Christian camps! 😉

  • Sam

    i wish i went to church camp…

  • Jen

    At my church camp, we were warned about “making purple” but, incidently, not about “making more blue” or “making pinker pink”. I made no colors at all. Sigh.

  • Awesomesauce

    Ahh, I remember my first camp sex. Now I’m the enemy. I get to prevent the shenanigans from happening.

    Weird though that I’m still counseling a christian camp…. Nostalgia is a powerful force.

  • This may honestly be the stupidest post I’ve ever read at this site.

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