From Mark Watson Makes the World Substantially Better (BBC Radio 4):
My Neighbour’s Ass by Tim Minchin
My ass is getting me down
People laugh behind their hands when I take it into town
It used to be tough and hard working and strong
But now it is graying and it’s long since been long past its prime
But it was such a good ass in its time
And just to rub salt in the wound
My neighbour has an ass that would make Tatiana swoon
It’s so broad that it’s almost impossible to straddle
He had to get a custom made saddle
I know that envy’s a sin
But his ass is so muscular
While mine is so thin
I know it’s immoral to covet
But just one day with his ass oh god I would love it
Oh lord my savior, would you do me a favour
I just want an ass like my neighbour
Chorus:
I want my neighbour’s ass
’cause my neighbour has
A real nice ass
I want my neighbour’s ass
’cause my neighbour has
A real nice ass
(repeat chorus)
My ass was once strong as an ox
People could easily ride it from dawn until dusk
It never once borked at a plow
It was hearty and handsome
But now I’m afraid a disaster
I had to put it out to pasture
I should be happy at the ass that god gave me
To look a gift ass in the mouth is a sin
I really should look on the bright side
It’s such a big job
Breaking a brand new ass in
I know that envy is wrong
But my ass is so pathetic while his is so strong
In the old days my ass brought me kudos and fame
Now my ass just brings me shame
Oh lord lord my savior
Forgive my behavior
I can’t but covet the ass of my neighbour
(chorus)
(repeat chorus)
Eliza
Thanks for posting the song by Tim Minchin! Great lyrics, and great breath control!
Does anyone know the origin of the expression “If your mind is too open, your brain will fall out”? I’ve been trying to pin it down for years, so far without success.
JeffN
I suggest duct tape.
Anonymous
I suspect that the original, or at least an earlier use of that expression is by Terry Pratchett. (He’s certainly made a couple of similar comments: one of his characters comments that the trouble with an open mind is that people keep trying to fill it out, and another that her mind is so flexible that she could pull it out of her ears and tie it in a knot.)
It’s Moving Day for the Friendly ..."
It’s Moving Day for the Friendly ..."
It’s Moving Day for the Friendly ..."
It’s Moving Day for the Friendly ..."