Friendly Atheist Contest #6: The Scariest Halloween Costume October 24, 2007

Friendly Atheist Contest #6: The Scariest Halloween Costume

Last week, I asked this question:

What should atheists scream out in bed?


Here are the Top 5 answers (with submitters)!


“Oh, God (in whom I don’t believe)!”

(The Exterminator)


“…punctuated equilibrium!”



“Suck it Jesus, this is my god now!”



“Jesus isn’t coming, but I am!”



“Touch me with your noodley appendage!”


And I had to include this one from Kate:

Honorable Mention|


Congratulations to the winners! The top three will be receiving specially-made Friendly Atheist wristbands (in the color of their choice), sent to me by blog reader Shauna and her sister Danni!


If you’d like to win your own wristband, here is the new contest.

What is the scariest Halloween costume an atheist could wear?

Funny and creative answers will have a shot at winning.

Good luck!

[tags]atheist, atheism, contest[/tags]

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  • Siamang


  • Richard Wade

    Jerry Falwell come back as a zombie.

  • Gadren

    No costume at all.

  • jedipunk

    A jar of peanut butter.

  • Jesus riding a dinosaur.

  • cmotdibbler

    Ken Ham or Kent Hovind.

  • Carrie

    Fred Phelps. (I’ve actually seen this costume, though for acceptability at the party I attended, the guy changed his sign to read “God Hates You” as opposed to his normal slogan).

  • Depiction of the Heat Death of the Universe.

  • What is the scariest Halloween costume an atheist could wear?

    Considering what atheists believe, the answer would have to be, quoting Archibald MacLeish, “nothing, nothing nothing at all,”.

    Having seen Hitchens in the near nude, it’s entirely appropriate.

  • Fred Phelps. He is just scary–no matter who dresses up as him.

  • But on Halloween you’re supposed to dress up like something you don’t believe in. Vampires. Werewolves.

    Anyone know how to make a costume of Irreducible Complexity?

  • Bill Montana

    The pope. If you run into any violent holy roller types and fear for your safety tell them your Emperor Palpatine.

  • Jesus with a ball gag and a spiked dog collar being lead on a leash by a woman in a burka.

  • I’m not sure that it’s scary but I’m going as Zombie Jesus. Carry three nails so I can ask people to put me up for the night. Actually I’m going to two parties, one with a lady I don’t know so I’ll just go as regular jesus, don’t know if she ok with that much blasphemy. Hope she’s not too offended because there will be lots of blasphemy.
    why do the ladies love jesus? (hold out arms like on the cross) because hes hung like this. Should be a good halloween

    And Vovic, wow just wow. almost makes me want to add to my costume, I probably would if it wasn’t for the whole going with a lady I don’t really know, but I’ll keep that in mind for next year.

  • Diane

    Ann Coulter. Although, I’m not sure I could squeeze myself into an Ann Coulter costume. Maybe four Ann Coulters side by side?

  • Pat Robertson

  • Polly

    Be god and just don’t show up to the party.

    (I’m really gonna try hard for a wristband this time)

  • HappyNat

    Jesus with a ball gag and a spiked dog collar being lead on a leash by a woman in a burka.

    But that is my usual weekend outfit.

    Last year when I had a beard I was a nun, complete with a cross and a ruler. I would think a bearded nun would be pretty scary, but a girl at the party said I had less facial hair than some of the nuns in her catholic school. 🙁

  • Ted Haggart, with a Bible in one hand and a bag (bottle?) of meth in the other.

  • Bill Montana
  • Richard Dawkins mask with a little Jerry Falwell devil on one shoulder and Pat Robertson devil on the other.

    Talk about being stuck between a cock and ‘tard place… sorry.

  • Slut

    Depends who you’re trying to frighten, I guess: other atheists or Xians.

    A Catholic priest.
    An astronomer (or Carl Sagan)
    Charlatan Heston and the 10 commandments

  • Polly

    Scare everyone:

    Madelaine Murray O’hare’s ghost.

  • ash

    evangelical fundie.

    this not a scary costume at all at first glance, in fact one should try to look normal and inoffensive. then corner people one by one (preferably with a large group of fellow goddites) and proceed to beat the living shit out of them with your holy tome.

    ps, for added effect, smile broadly and regularly assure them you love them whilst administering said beating.

  • Heather

    A vestigial tail, gill slits and a t-shirt that reads “God isn’t finished with me yet.”

  • Cade

    A militant atheist costume. Dress up like a terrorist in a ski mask with an RPG launcher all while wearing the “A” shirt from the out campaign.

  • Frank Mitchell

    Nietzsche with God’s corpse on display.

  • Of course.. Hemaaaaaaaaaaaant!!!!!!

  • Dinesh D’Souza, with a pile of his own books to sign.


  • Khristy

    Tammy Faye Baker….I actually did this costume a few years ago….VERY SCARY!

  • Eric
  • Mriana

    Yo mama!

  • Actually, my Dad is an atheist, a card-carrying minister (wedding gigs are a side job for him) and did go out for Halloween as a hardcore southern Baptist fire-and-brimstone minister. He was *very* in-character for the party with claims about how all the sinners there were going to have to answer to JAYSUS.

    Someone at the party who he didn’t know came up to him and told him that she had grown up in the south as a baptist. He apologized, thinking he had offended her, but she said it was fine and that she was better now…

    …also that his act was “dead-on” and the scariest costume at the party. Given the choice, that’s probably what I would pick as just an all-out scary costume.

  • Jimbo-B

    Hitler. (OR pretend to be Cartman acting like Hitler.) Go from door to door chanting/yelling in German: “Sieg Heil!!”

  • Max

    Bill O’Reilly. But the atheist has to act like Ted Haggard.

  • Michael B.

    An atheist’s second worst nightmare,

    A person with eyes that see and a brain that works.

  • Philosopher Jeff

    Pretend to be President Pat Robertson celebrating his new law making homosexuality and atheism a capital crime!

  • Anatoly

    Adam – stark naked without the well-placed leaf for cover.

    It’ll be a dose of reality to uptight creationist parents.

  • Frank in a Foxhole

    The Rapture!

  • VeggieTart

    For guys: Dick Cheney.
    For gals: Michelle Malkin

    That’s if you’re trying to scare heathens.

    If you wanna scare believers, a male-female couple could go as Jesus and Mary Magdalene in tarty clothing.

  • William

    I’m torn between a costume of the irreducibly complex bacterial flagellum and one of the sort of big-beardy god drawn by Gary Larson in ‘The Far Side’.

  • Bill Montana

    The prophet Muhammad.

    Non-Muslims would be in fear Muslims may see it and start rioting and killing people, Muslim reactions of course are based on ignorance and fear and the person wearing the costume should be in fear for his life.

  • Ken

    Jesus in drag !

  • HappyNat

    Jesus in drag !

    Wasn’t Jesus always in drag? Long curly hair, pretty blue eyes, robe = dress.

  • athenebelle

    If you wanna scare believers, a male-female couple could go as Jesus and Mary Magdalene in tarty clothing.

    Actually depending on the Christian they might like it (myself included). More conservative ones probably would feel uncomfortable about it but the younger (and I guess more liberal) ones wouldn’t be upset by it. (personally I think I would like to do it myself if my husband looked more like the stereotypical Jesus).

  • I think I’m going to have to recycle a previous winner:

    A rabbit in the Precambrian layer.

  • Joe

    Door to door “athevalgelist”

  • Polly

    Heather said:

    A vestigial tail, gill slits and a t-shirt that reads “God isn’t finished with me yet.”

    PERFECT! This is hilarious from so many angles. Fortunately, I read it between sips of coffee.

  • Julie


  • Robin

    I’m going for the obvious, and saying “The Church Lady” from Saturday Night Live.

  • Monty

    An ambiguous, unnamed, undetectable, but still there Intelligent Designer. (Just for fun, guys, don’t “officially” enter me in the contest.)

  • Earl

    A “Creation Scientist”: walk round with messy hair and a white coat (complete with a leaking biro sticking out of the breast pocket) while carrying some rather sciencey looking machinery made from cereal packets and loo rolls. Walk up to random objects and probe them, meanwhile checking various badly painted dials on your sciencey machinery, before finally exclaiming “Goddidit!!” and moving on.

    Failing that, a “panda-person”, or an opposible thumb.

  • Siamang


    AAAAHHH GRETA beat me by a few hours.

  • Bill Montana

    A stereotypical atheist as seen by a theist. I’ll wear S&M gear, horns and a forked tail. Dye my hands blood read and carry a try with a gelatin mold of a fetus.

    Some guy: “What are you suppose to be?”
    Me: “I’m an atheist, care for a slice of fetus?”

  • Kate

    AAaaaaaaahhh you mean I got 4th place AND honorable mention but still no bracelet?!?! 🙁 🙁 🙁

    Hmmm…true, peanut butter is the atheist’s worst nightmare. And bananas are equally as frightening. But what about…A PEANUT BUTTER AND BANANA SANDWICH!!!! nightmare x 2!!!!!!!

  • Lack of Existence

    Not only is it freaky, but being able to actually make a costume out of it is doubly freaky.

    Some other atheist fears one could exploit.

  • Dan

    The devil wearing a shirt that says “I used to believe in a god, then i realized i was god”

  • leebo

    if i were to try and choose a costume to scare athiests at halloween, i would have to go as –
    richard dawkins wearing a t-shirt saying”sorry guys,ive been over the calculations again,and i think i’ve got it all wrong!”

  • cmotdibbler

    Very late with the comment leebo but you win the prize!

  • Liz L.

    i think it would be a thousand times more scary for a Christian to dress-up as fred phelps, as opposed to an atheist. Because deep down inside, you know (and they also know) that they kinda sort of agree with the guy.

    *shudder* creeps me out.

  • danni

    a pregnant Nun.

  • @Craig : LOL xD

  • InnerVoice

    Wow, it is amazing how we do not know the actual Avatar that controls our flesh and mind.
    This mighty controller will keep directing and control us. I hope one day .. just one day we listen to the other very tiny, always, always and can only be “positive” , little quiet voice “between” our mind and thought. 

    We must try and stop allowing the same repetitive, noisy, loud, over intelligent and over knowing , ever quick voice to stop giving us ideas in our thoughts and mind.
    Lets talk to the positive voice inside us, he will respond even with signs if we ask (you have the “power”, keep seeking it and you will find it, it’s like getting an A in class).
    Mercedes benz will not be stupid not to place a device inside every car they make, to know, see, communicate, and control the car and disable it, if they wish.

     The positive car maker will talk back I guarantee it and remember, it is in you!
     ….keep trying and may he open your awareness to the true things unseen.

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