I Think I’m Offended October 6, 2007

I Think I’m Offended

How dare someone mock my beliefs!


(via MyConfinedSpace)

"The way republican politics are going these days, that means the winner is worse than ..."

It’s Moving Day for the Friendly ..."
"It would have been more convincing if he used then rather than than."

It’s Moving Day for the Friendly ..."

Browse Our Archives

What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Gadren

    How horrible! How dare they insult atheism and our god Darwin! Burn down their churches!

  • kristi

    Someone needs to go back and do a little more reading. “Magically?” (snort)

  • Gee, is that what I believe?
    It must be so, because I’m an atheist, and I can read what the sign says.

  • Kristi – I agree. Every time someone describes my atheistic, pro-evolution views as “magic” I have to laugh. 🙂 So absurd…

  • Isaac

    Well, adding some form of creator or god into the mix doesn’t actually make it make any more sense…although physics does help.

  • Am I the only Atheist who likes this explanation of our (non)belief?

  • reid

    heh, i recognize this from 4chan. people troll by challenging others to prove there is no god and use images like this.

  • Theodore Wiggins, Ph.D.

    There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Religious texts of the past could not anticipate the scope and grandeur of what science has taught us. A man coming back from the dead, though fiction, is far less extraordinary than a something like a black hole, which is a scientifically verifiable phenomenon. There is no room for such delusions in the information age.

  • owlathome

    Hmmm. I think this definitely beats a big, old man in a long white beard saying “Let there be light” and out of nothingness came everything — when it could have just been a lamp.

  • Cade

    Yes, much less likely than a magic god sneezing and poof there’s the universe.

  • Gee, is that what I believe?
    It must be so, because I’m an atheist, and I can read what the sign says.

    That was sooo funny!

  • Mriana

    I think I’m offended

    You THINK? This is really bad. I think Evolution is more scientifically solid than Creationism and its little invisible man doing his magic. 🙄

  • Jason

    Every time someone describes my atheistic, pro-evolution views as “magic” I have to laugh. 🙂 So absurd…

    That IS absurd! Magic is far too generic a term. What you (and I!) actually believe in is Time, in mass quantities of course. Time is the all-powerful force that can turn a soup of primordial chemicals into a dinosaur! You just need a sufficiently enormous amount of time. A few hours is plainly not enough. But billions of years, well, sure! In that much time anything can happen! No one’s ever experienced or can even really comprehend that MUCH time, but it plainly has amazing powers. Everyone agrees.

    In human-observable timespans, you never seem to see order spontaneously arising from chaotic systems, but that’s just because it takes longer for that sort of thing to happen, right?

    Do you think if I disassembled my watch and put it in a box, in a billion years it would have reassembled, perhaps with the ability to duplicate itself? After all, it has quite a head start on an undifferentiated soup of chemicals!

    The exact mechanism by which this re-assembly would be accomplished is not important to me, though. I’m content to believe that Time heals all wounds, and does everything else as well! Go Team Science! It’s so great to be able to explain everything in a way that requires absolutely no leap of faith!

  • Awww, that’s cute. The theists demonstrate how they don’t know what they’re talking about, again. Cute.

    Just take that picture and put it inside of another one that looks like this:

    Thinking that this is what Atheism is:
    [inset of above image]
    Read a book, moron.”

    It could work.

  • Siamang

    Hey, I saw a bumper sticker that said “It’s either ‘one nation under God’ or kiss my ass and leave the country.” His other window sticker had Calvin peeing on the words “Ex-wife”.

    Another christian adulterer for water sports, ass-kissing and exiling atheists for getting all uppity.

    I think the South Park guys nailed this kind of spirit with their Team America anthem: “America, FUCK YEAH!!!”

  • Squirty

    Woo! Nothing Bless America!

  • Mriana

    No that, Siamang, is a X-ian that makes me cringe and feel sick to my stomach. No telling what they would do if they actually met an atheist.

  • Peter

    The creator of this forgot to add the most important line that makes atheism superior to deism:

    “Of course, I am willing to be convinced otherwise, given sufficient evidence.”

  • Jen

    What magic? The thing with the term magic is that it implies there someone performing it. Since all this magic supposedly predates even the dinosaurs, there is no one to perform it. Duh, atheist mockers.

  • Miko

    If atheists as a group actually believed that anything at anytime had ever happened for absolutely no reason, there would be a much smaller intersection between atheists and scientists. And “magic?” Seriously…

    That said, the thing about this that really bothers me is that ‘whatsoever’ is spelled wrong.

  • Josua

    … The quality of the comments, and the fact that not one of the atheists here started a flaming war, just goes to show you that we approach matters such as this quite calmly and rationally.

    If I read this right, there is quite a bit of solidarity amongst Atheists and I suspect that postings such as this could be a great indicator of this… Gonna go hunting for any more blog posts such as this and try and obtain a general indication of Atheist commentary…

    “May the nothing be with you! (… Magically.)”

  • Mriana

    Well, I’m from the “Show Me” state. I haven’t seen nothin’ yet. Of course, I’m still waiting to see that invisible man. 😆

  • meag

    i like dinosaurs… and i like magic… and i LOVE magical dinosaurs. so i think i am going to stick with atheism… i mean, unless someone can prove there was something more awesome than magical dinosaurs. but that is highly unlikely.

  • Richard Wade

    Yo, Siamang!

    Hey, I saw a bumper sticker that said “It’s either ‘one nation under God’ or kiss my ass and leave the country.” His other window sticker had Calvin peeing on the words “Ex-wife”.

    There’s something ironic (and maybe appropriate) about that cartoon character being named “Calvin.”

  • Marc

    Atheism does not imply you believe in evolution.
    Atheism implies disbelief in the excistance of a deity, which leads to disbelief in creationism. I for one go with the “I wasn’t there so lets not say anything about it”

    If you look at it logically, evolution and the big bang are probably the best answers, only because the answers have been retrieved in a scientific way.
    As for me, I am not an evolutionary biologist, or an astro-physicist, so I will just go with the flow… the scientific flow that is.

  • Foo

    News flash: *nobody* knows how we got here.

    Read the above sentence again. Anyone who claims otherwise is an ignorant dips**t who deserves to be arse f***ed by their their own righteousness.

  • wayne

    Atheists might not burn in hell or anything, but they’re just dumb. Its not compulsory to follow a religion, some times religions make no sense. But to brag about the universe germinating from no-where, without any super-natural (read God.) force behind it is just stupid.

  • Kate


    Welcome, Wayne. (sarcasm) Did you happen to read the title of the blog? That word before “atheist”?

  • Socratic Law of Zero (0) over Zero (0):

    0/0 = .000…1 current-time
    0/0 = .999… current-time
    0/0 = infinity current-time

    Nothing (0/0) to Everything (1) is Easy.

    The Atheist,


  • Gary S

    That image illustrates perfectly the Christian tendency to deny the deep mysteries of life and existence.

  • Eric Vandez

    So from nothing sprang absolute complexity? A God, who supposedly created everything else? Thats even more absurd. Ever increasing complexity makes sense at least. We can observe it. It doesn’t take a sentient entity to orchestrate this process. At a quantum level particles blink in an out of existence in thousandths of a second. Which is literally something from nothing.

    The existence of everything is incomprehensible to all of us. No one knows. No man on earth has this knowledge and religions are a farce pretending they do. Atheists simply don’t believe in your religions.

  • What’s wrong with being offended?

  • Ah, more meticulously crafted wisdom from the highly imaginative folks who brought us little fish symbols on cars and that most ridiculous of marketing ploys- WWJD. If your belief system requires nothing more than trite little slogans and circuitous reasoning to justify it, you might consider a career in the government, most specifically a position in the military (I‘m in the military by the way).

    Until the war between logic and whatever random claptrap I feel like believing today is finally decided, I will stick with logic. If there is a god(s) she/he/it is utterly scientifically knowable and classifiable. That said I find it highly unlikely, to the point of uncontrollable laughter, that there is any “higher” power, save for, possibly, human stupidity.

    And thank you, Wayne, for your insightful analysis of the subject. It is good to know that I am not going to “burn in hell or anything” and that I am merely “dumb.” It is a great relieve knowing that there are thinkers of your caliber out there tackling these tough issues. Now I can relax and coast through life without giving the matter any true reflection. Can anyone recommend a nice prepackaged faith, one without too much of a history for bloodshed and hypocrisy. I suppose that leaves the big three monotheisms out of the running, though this does not seem to bother the great majority of humanity. Besides, who am I to argue with billions of people anyway?

  • Richard Wade

    Hi Wayne, thanks for not assuming we’ll burn in hell.

    You can believe what someone tells you, someone who heard it from someone else, who heard it from someone else, who heard it from someone else, back for thousands of years, not one of whom actually looked at the world around them, OR you can actually look at the world around you and talk to people who make a living carefully looking at the world around us. They can show you what they have seen, and show you exactly how they looked, and explain to you exactly why they think what they do about what they see.

    It comes down to do you believe your ears or your eyes, because what you’ve been told is different from what you can see around you. “Skeptic” comes from the word meaning “to look.” Skeptics don’t refuse to believe, they just insist on seeing it rather than merely being told about it. If somebody rushed up to you and said there’s a squadron of flying pigs overhead, I’ll bet you would look up to see for yourself rather than just take it on faith. We just do that more often than you do.

  • Darryl

    Now, Joel, I really don’t think you lived up to the “friendly atheist” standard when you replied to Wayne.

    You must know that it’s rude to speak a foreign language to someone when you have reason to think they don’t know that language. You used such words as “meticulously, ploys, trite, circuitous, random, claptrap, classifiable, analysis, caliber, reflection, monotheisms.” You might as well have been speaking Greek (I apologize Wayne if you do speak Greek). Wayne might know the word “caliber,” if as I suspect from his speech he’s a pro-gun kinda’ guy, but besides that, well, . . . I think you owe him an apology.

  • DaVinci

    Very funny little picture. I can’t help imagining that somewhere at Answers in Genesis there is some team of morons trying to consolidate the wording to fit on a bumper-sticker.
    Really though, all we can do is be patient and hope that the world will become scientifically complex enough that the people who base their life on fairy tales will eventually die out due to their inability to successfully reproduce, but then where is the joy in being right?

  • Flemzor

    First off, meag wins. “Magical Dinosaurs!”

    Secondly, I think the main point these people are missing is:

    Atheists simply don’t think there’s a God. That’s it and that’s all. To assume that atheists believe anything else is to further expose your ignorance.

  • a Christian

    “How horrible! How dare they insult atheism and our god Darwin! Burn down their churches!”

    Your “god” Darwin renounced his own theory.

  • AV

    Your “god” Darwin renounced his own theory.

    It is truly amazing what one can achieve when one is filled with the Holy Spirit. Into just seven words you have managed to fit:

    – a strawman (“Your god Darwin”)
    – a Christian urban legend (Darwin’s deathbed conversion)
    – appeal to authority (evolution does not stand or fall on whether Darwin “renounced” it)
    – the breaking of a Commandment (bearing false witness)

  • JeffN

    The age old question weather God or the big bang. Where did all that nothing come from Evan the something had to have a start unless it or God was always there.

  • Bruce

    Funny thing… you don’t like people mocking your beliefs yet everyone (including you) had some reason to rebuke the God of christianity. In your book you mention being respectful to your fellow human being, yet your words show no reflection of this. A few posts earlier I read about this “travesty” called the creation museum (in your own words), yet its impossible for you to swallow opposition.

    My conclusion – you can dish it out but you sure can’t take it. In all my conversations/postings with your fellow atheists I’ve maintained respectful speech, however, my attempts were always met with belligerence. My expectations are low, as is my expectation to have this comment posted.

    PS: just read the “meaning of life” section of your book. Interesting that you would devote all of 10 lines from an atheist point of view. The argument is weak so far. Yet I read on. Will post with all due patience my critique as I progress through your book.

  • Samuel Skinner

    He isn’t offended that they are mocking his beliefs; he is offended that they misconstruing his belief are crediting him with certain beliefs he doesn’t hold. Atheists are simply those who don’t believe in any gods. You don’t have to be rational (although it helps). He is mocking them because they are insane. Atheism can take attacks, if there was actually some valid criticism, not straw men. It isn’t true that atheists focus on the Christian god; we also hit Allah, Shiva, Buddaha, Thor, Ra, Bhaal, Khrone… we are equal opportunity critics. You mostly hear critism of the Christian god because that is the one that they have to deal with most.

    P.S. Asking if life has a meaning persumes a creator. Since life doesn’t have a creator, it doesn’t have an ultimate purpose. So what? Enjoyent is a good enough reason to be.

  • JeffN

    So. does life have a meaning for you?

  • To respect our fellow man certainly does not require that we lend sanction to a ridiculous belief system, one based on nothing more than tradition and defective reasoning. This opposition you speak of is armed with nothing more than a set of unfounded rhetoric and circular logic. If one fails to swallow such a cacophonous, incoherent accumulation of long dead tribal customs, it can only be due to an inability to do so while laughing uncontrollably. Again, respecting another human being, insomuch as we afford him the same freedoms we ourselves claim and by offering him the benefit of the doubt in that he is of a benevolent bearing and a noble persuasion, does not, cannot, mean that we must offer the same credence to his random lunacy that we would to rational scientific thought. Lines must be drawn.

    As Mr. Skinner so eloquently related, Atheism is not a set of beliefs. In fact, it bears no resemblance whatsoever to religious dogma. It is merely the rejection of belief in the notion of a deity or deities. It is nothing more complex than the complete absence of faith. To mock a belief that does not exist would be a difficult feat indeed, perhaps even bordering on the impossible.

    Creationism is a travesty. Like the rest of religion the world over, it remains nothing more than a contrived bunch of nonsense without a shred of evidence to bolster its supposed veracity. Perhaps grosser still than this fabricated notion of an all-powerful creator, is the ascribing of certain attributes to this creator. While I do not propose that science holds within its analytical bosom the full and complete answers to the many mysteries of the universe (yet), it has produced a far more convincing body of work than any religious creed in existence. Knowledge is not the same as faith. Science is based on the available facts and on various theories. A refutation of one or more of these facts or theories requires that the pool of knowledge be altered, amended until it complies with the new evidence. It is a vast puzzle whose secrets unfold only gradually and through careful exploration and analysis, not through hastily contrived, illogical shortcuts.

    I suppose, if I were confronted one morning by some enormous, bearded, anthropomorphic being floating somewhere amid the clouds, that I might be forced to somewhat amend my worldview, though only so far as to add to it the existence of this mysterious new organism. Even a phenomenon of this magnitude would not inspire me to label such a being “god.” Such is the mindset of the Atheist: an objective understanding of the cosmos, built on current data, amended as necessary. Such emotions as faith and desire do not come into play. I cannot recall even one instance of the world being effected by someone’s wishing it were different. As tragic as this may be to believers of ancient mysticism, the laws of the universe do not suddenly change or disappear because one or more of its inhabitants happen to not like some of its less appealing aspects, even if these believers number in the millions. There is no democracy of facts. The simple fact of “feeling something in one’s heart that cannot be explained” does not suddenly bring onto being some invisible, omniscient being, or the ability to ascend to some supposed heaven after death, however much one might desire such a thing.

    Finally, regarding the belligerence of Atheists, I have actually found the opposite to be true. I cannot count the times I have met with unyielding x-ians who quick to condemn, loudly and unreasonably, all who fail to accept the tenets of their faith. That said, I do not doubt that you have been subject to the attacks of equally volatile Atheists. I feel quite certain that both camps have such members, yet there are obviously also no small number of individuals, both Atheist and believer, who are calm and well-balanced.

  • Krunky

    The presence and postings of “believers” on a website devoted to non-belief can be viewed as being motivated by one or more of a wide variety of potentials. In the best cases, the investment of energy and time expended in searching, reading and responding to the postings of non-believers by the believer can be seen as tangible evidence of the effects of an intensifying cognitive dissonance stemming from what is the largely invisible war raging in that believer’s worldview. This gives me hope in that it shows reason and logic are still battling within that individual in a struggle against blind faith.

    In this sense, those kinds of postings should be warmly welcomed. Between and beneath the words of some of the believers’ postings, I hear rational thought begging for a sip of water in the middle of what may only appear to be a lifeless desert. With so many people hopelessly lost in the blind faith of their upbringing, so few taking honest account and critiquing their beliefs, and so many content to turn a blind eye and avoid the pains that can accompany the dissolution of a long held worldview, it is important to nurture the heartbeat of rational discourse in those who show signs of the struggle. Often, both parties retire from the discussion having benefitted on some level.

  • “If I were you, I’d hope we never meet again”

  • Ryan

    RELIGION: The belief that there was a mythical being named God or Allah or Yahweh or Santa (not sure which one) magically created the universe, plants, animals, man, the earth, all other planets in 7 days out of thin air, then wriggled his nose and everything began to work together in perfect harmony and is impossible to figure out by scientists, only uneducated people from the south can TRULY figure out it’s meaning, because Santa (or whatever his name is) wrote a book and FedEx’ed it to earth…or something like that.

    Makes absolutely no sense.

  • Six days you bumbling buffoon!

    In the beginning God created the heavens and the Earth. He stretched out the heavens which has been approximated mathematically by big bang scientists up until their proposal of a big slow down into which time they stack their evolutionary model which requires billions of years and a billion to the billionth power miracles.

  • Jeff

    What no Santa? 🙂

    Grant Dexter said,

    January 9, 2008 at 11:51 am

    Six days you bumbling buffoon!

    Nice try but not worth the effort on this sight. a billion to the billionth power Wow.

  • sight?

  • hehe .. that is a really big number .. ain’t it.

  • Krunky

    Grant Dexter said,

    January 2, 2008 at 7:58 am

    “If I were you, I’d hope we never meet again”

    I’d be interested in hearing what exactly you meant by this posting.

  • Krunky. Your post sounded a lot like the Architect from the second Matrix film. I was quoting Neo’s last line to him. It was meant in jest 🙂

  • Alex

    ummmmm I thought we were atheists, not nihilists.

  • Jayce

    Wow atheists are either blind or just plain stupid. it doesn’t take an IQ in the freaking negatives to figure out that there’s a God. Come on! How does something come from nothing? It’s impossible! And I love how you atheists say things like “how dare you” and crap like that, thinking you’re so high and mighty. Oh, P.S. the only type of atheist is a dumb one.

  • Woooow. There is an awful lot of failure-to-recognise-or-understand-sarcasm going on in these comments. At least it’s entertaining. ;D (All hail our god Darwin?)

    Actually, the real purpose of my comment is to say that Meag’s comment about magical dinosaurs is the most amazing thing I have ever read. It is possibly even greater than pastafarianism. I may have to change non-religions. (Unless, that is, pastafrianism is compatible with magical dinosaurs.. hmmm…)

  • 😆

  • The above doesn’t surprise me in the least, and not simply because I’ve seen it before. You have to remember the same general dysfunctional intelligence that created the above also is responsible for the origins and perpetuation of the theistic religions. If they understood the errors in that little spectacle here, they’d likely laugh at their own religion and dispose of it forthwith.

    Here’s hoping that will happen someday to the overwhelming bulk of the species.

  • Having read some of the other comments, let me say this also – I submit that criticism and efforts against many organized religions is, in fact, showing the greatest respect for those human beings caught up in their dysfunctional thinking. I for one would love to see these individuals freed from such irrational burdens. As the mentally ill need assistance from those who are caring, those burdened with the errors of supernaturalistic beliefs require those who are able to think rationally and reasonably to have enough compassion to assist them to a more genuine life. Theist objections to treatment are to be expected just as with the mentally ill. Those who can and are willing to assist these people are not deterred by the belligerence of the patient.

  • One-lamb-of God

    I see it’s just to get a rise out of others and also poor character. But in the meantime we all can initiate friendships alone the way. How about it?

    In Christ,

  • Steph

    I can’t say I find that statement insulting. I find it hilariously stupid.

    Who ever wrote that has NO clue what the meaning of Atheism if they talk about magic while describing it.

    I get a funny mental picture of some dude patting himself on the back for being “smart” because he came up with that while his fellow idiots giggle at his “wit”. lol

  • TuxPad

    Long live Darwinism and Pastafarianism.
    I mean – Toodles.

  • Marty

    I have two thigs to say ablut this. Atheists don’t “believe” we think, and that scares the hell out of, or possibly into, Creationists. And secondly the fact that we think gives us the ability to change our minds when another thoery presents itself, an ability Christians refuse to give themselves.
    And now to paraphrase George Carlin.
    “Religion has convinced the world that there is an invisible man, that he lives in the clouds, and that he sees everything we so/say every second of every day. And that he has a book of 10 rules that we need to follow, and if we don’t follow these rules we will be sent to a place of sheer terror, pain and suffering, where you will scream and die every day for all eternity, there will be pain and suffering, death and decay, He will punish you again and again for everything you have ever done against his book of rules………but he loves you.”
    George rocks

  • Justin Hale

    Atheism: lack of subscription to celestial despotism.

    Makes perfect sense.

  • Kori

    Ew. And I have to wonder about the person who created that. They’re “Christian” (presumably) and are mocking, mocking and ridiculing… tsk tsk.

    As for what it says: now that, dear world, is what one might call a “straw man”.

  • Glenn Davey

    *cough* STRAW MAN *cough*

  • LLL

    Jayce, no Atheist believes that something came from nothing. Atheists, unlike Christians, understand that the true nature and existense of matter and energy are truly unknown and likely incomprehensible by our human minds. Putting in “God” as the answer is just lazy and stupid. Oh, and if the only typre of Atheist is a dumb one, then how is it that most of the world’s greatest scientists were Atheist? As for an “IQ in the freakign negatives”, studies show that higher intelligence is actually affiliated with a higher chance of Atheism. Japan is one of the most academically advanced countries in the world, and also least religious. America is the other way around. See the pattern?

  • Anonymous

    This is the first time I’ve commented here, and I just wanted to say of course we can agree to disagree and be friends with theists, and I have done that, but putting “In Christ” on a blog called the “Friendly Atheist”, while well-meaning, would probably give you a harder time doing so than if you had just said “Sincerely” or something like that. Frankly, this mocking of atheist beliefs is inherently flawed not because they are going against their teachings and mockin others, not because “whatsoever” is spelled wrong, but because atheists don’t have a belief to mock – atheists, rational ones in any case, hold that we have no way to be positive how the universe started, how life started, how it grew, who or what made it grow, what if anything comes after death. Rather, atheism is a non-belief, simply stating that “Humans, in reality, don’t know the answers to the above questions, but religion claims to without providing sufficient evidence or consistent logic, so we choose to rejecct that approach until sufficient evidence and consistent logic are provided.”

error: Content is protected !!