Former Mormon’s Serial Novel September 12, 2007

Former Mormon’s Serial Novel

Former Mormon C. L. Hanson will start serializing Part 3 of her novel, Exmormon, next week!

If you missed the first two parts, here’s your chance to catch up:

Part 1: Young Women’s

Part 2: Youth Conference

It’s not just for ex-Mormons either. The novel is a series of stories which detail what life is like for those of us raised in a religious community, who care about that community, and who then stop believing in that faith.

Here are a couple of the entertaining excerpts:

“What are you reading?” [Sister Thomas] asked Lynn.

“Oh, just a Judy Blume book,” Lynn replied, kind of hiding the cover.

Sister Thomas snatched the book out of Lynn’s hands. She seemed to recognize it. “This is pornography!” she exclaimed.

“How can it be pornography, Mom?” asked Amy. “It’s just a book.”

Sister Thomas looked sternly at Amy and then turned back to Lynn. “Where did you get this, young lady?”

“It’s mine,” said Melissa. “My mom bought it for my sister and me.”

Sister Thomas looked surprised and horrified as she took the information in. “Well, I’ll hold on to it for you until it’s time for you to go.” She took the book with her as she left the room.

But then [the teacher] started moving back into dangerous territory. He started telling us a story about a teenage boy and girl who had to go to their bishop to repent because they had committed the grave sin of fornication. When asked to explain, the teenagers said that it just happened all of the sudden. But as the bishop started posing them more questions, he found that they had deliberately gone to a secluded place where they would not be disturbed or discovered. And then they proceeded to cross more lines that you aren’t supposed to cross by deep kissing and heavy petting. So when they ended up committing fornication, it wasn’t really “all of the sudden.” He used this story as an illustration for why unmarried people shouldn’t be making out and for why they certainly shouldn’t be petting.

I hated it when teachers used the word “petting.” It made it sound like something you would do with a dog. Maybe there wasn’t really any dignified way of saying “don’t touch each other’s naughty parts.” On the other hand, maybe they deliberately wanted us to feel embarrassed and repulsed by the whole thing.

At the end of his discussion of petting, the teacher told us that now we were allowed to eat our Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.

“See, aren’t you glad you waited?” he said. “It’s a little like waiting for marriage.” Then he told us that we were free to go.

April turned to the rest of us and said “What? Waiting until the end of class is like waiting for marriage? That doesn’t make any sense at all! If I had eaten my candy at the beginning of class I’d have been glad I was eating it then, and by the same token, if I save it for another ten minutes after class is over, then while I’m eating it I’ll be glad that I waited another ten minutes so I could enjoy it right then.”

Part 3: Saturday’s Warrior will be out on September 18th.

[tags]atheist, atheism, Mormonism[/tags]

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  • Thanks for the announcement!!!

    I’ve been having a lot of fun with this project of serializing the novel online, and I hope others are enjoying it as well!

  • Sounds like more fun than the announced serial account Hitchens is writing about his spa cure. Talk about hitting the journalistic skids. If you go looking for it, I’ll warn you it has a semi-nude picture of Hitchens attached which is not for those with a weak stomach, though fans of daddy porn might enjoy it.

  • *boggle* … Judy Blume, bad ?! How is that … possible ?!

  • “I thought there’s no use getting
    Into heavy petting
    It only leads to trouble
    And seat wetting”

  • Kate

    Judy Blume is oh-so-pornograph. I mean, one of her books centers around…*GASP*…menstruation!!!!!!!!! Oh the HORRORS!

  • olvlzl — lol, I haven’t heard about that one, but it sounds like — sight unseen — I can promise you something more amusing…

    mollishka — well, of course I was allowed to read Are you there God? It’s me, Margaret. But Forever? Never!!

    Bjorn — I love that song!!! Even funnier, though, was a Dan Savage column where someone wrote in and used the word “petting,” and Dan accused him of sounding like a Mormon… 😉

  • Vincent

    Judy Blum was on a recent episode of Wait Wait, Don’t Tell Me.
    She pointed out that there are some parents out there who seem to think if their daughters never hear the word menstruation, it won’t happen to them.

    Oh, and what book was it? Was she reading “Wifey”?

  • C. L. Hanson, it’s online at Vanity Fair. Don’t say I didn’t warn you about the picture, though. He looks sort of like a very fat and dissolute Spike Jones in a shower.

  • stogoe

    Oh Love Zul, I think you’re developing some sort of pathological fascination complex. Please, just stop.

  • The book was Forever, but of course the precise details of the scene are fictional… 😉

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