Christ Christ Baby August 13, 2007

Christ Christ Baby

By Guest Contributor
August 13, 2007

Reed gives us all a terrific opening for our rap song. Would you like to help finish it?

(And then someone put it to video, upload it to YouTube in response to the challenge, and send me the link! Extra points if you dance in it.)

Yo, J.C. Let’s kick it!

Christ, Christ Baby
Christ, Christ Baby
Alright, stop. Genuflect and listen:
“Christ was born of divine intervention
Let him grab your mind real tightly
Unthinking doctrine daily and nightly”
Will he ever stop? Yo, I don’t know.
Preacher talks for an hour or so.
“Jesus Supreme walkin’ ’round in his sandals
Tossed up the temple! Oh, what a vandal!
Damn! He was a speaker who knew
How to connect to the Greeks and the Jews
Romans! They took his words too heavily
Brought him to court and charged him with a felony
Love him or leave him, Messiah was boss!
Then the Jews, says Gibson, put him on a cross.”

Folks’ heads are droppin’, yo they’re snorin’
Check out your watch, ’cause this preacher is borin’.

Christ, Christ Baby
Jesus Christ, Christ Baby
Jesus Christ, Christ Baby
Jesus Christ, Christ Baby

Now, on the organist’s signal
The crowd wakes up and grabs their hymnals
Quick to the point, to the point: they’re fakin’
Only believe so they won’t fry like bacon
Burn in Hell, if they question too much
They’re all crazy, usin’ faith as a crutch
And they sing those hymns in a dirge tempo
And they all vote to deport the homos

And then I gave up.

Nice start, Reed!


[tags]atheist, atheism, Christ Christ Baby[/tags]

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment

  • That, my friend, is beautiful.

    Though I’m sure it’ll offend somebody. But the people who get it will know it’s talking about the people who go to church for those reasons (and yes, they do exist).

  • TXatheist

    Vanilla Ice? Yes I liked him and Eminem. White guys can dance and rap 🙂

    Burn in Hell, if they question too much
    They’re all crazy, usin’ faith as a crutch
    Won’t wake up and accept the reality
    That jesus had a delusional mentality

    Ice, ice baby….
    That should get you over this hump but now I will be singing Ice, ice baby all day 🙂

  • Tao Jones

    Don’t know the tune of the song well enough to know if this fits in a verse or anything, but while walking the dog I came up with this line:

    The Lord is the Shepherd, I am a sheep
    Hit me on the head if I think too deep

    Another interesting parody might be of the battles in “8 Mile” with Jesus, Moses and Mohammad battling against a hapless atheist nobody who ultimately wins.

    “Everybody in the Middle East, put your f’n hands up and follow me”

    “I’ll smite you in your sleep”

    I’m sure with a skilled wordsmith it could be quite clever and who wouldn’t laugh at Jesus rapping “I’m a piece of white trash and I say it proudly.”

  • Why are atheists harping on Jesus making a ruckus at the temple? Considering how they go on about the evils of religion you’d think they would be cheering him on. Surely His Hitchens would approve of any kind of thing that could lead to further violence and thus the deaths of more “theists”.

    I’ve seen better and more accurate take downs.

  • I didn’t harp on Jesus turning over the temple. That’s one of my favourite Biblical stories. Many churches today have cafés and bookstores and whatnot and I think if Jesus was real, he’d be pissed.

    That reference was in quotes as part of the sermon.

    Don’t assume I’m harping on Jesus, I’m harping on Christians. Huge difference.

  • Reed Braden, I was actually interested in which of the pop-atheist tomes someone had made a fuss over the driving the money changers out. When I see something mentioned by the faithful on several atheist blogs, it’s a safe bet it’s in a current book. Either I skimmed that part or its in one I didn’t bother picking up.

    As for harping on Christians instead of Jesus. You don’t believe Jesus existed, apparently, but Christians do and they vote and some of them won’t vote for Republican-fascists but they can be angered into not voting at all. Just to get at what really concerns me.

  • Tao Jones:

    I’m sure with a skilled wordsmith it could be quite clever and who wouldn’t laugh at Jesus rapping “I’m a piece of white trash and I say it proudly.”

    Since when was Jesus white trash? He probably looked more like an Arab than a Caucasian.

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