Oh, the Hilarious Comments People Make…

What’s the word for someone who doesn’t believe in Satan? I don’t believe in that guy, I do believe in Mara, though. Why does that one remind me of nothing so much as WKRP’s Reverend Little Ed?

Let us know if your book tanks, I’ll begin praying for Regnery and other pulp, right wing, bulk buy by billionaire Birchers, venues to go down the drain. I used to monitor how soon books go into remainders based on political ideology. Right wing pulp tended to go to remainders first and would be discounted the most. Left wing remainders tended to hold their price better.

Those have got to be some of the funniest things I have ever heard. I here Christians say stupid things all the time. I’ll have to see if I can remember a few really good ones to share.

The only reassuring thing about that is that stupid people tend find themselves throughout the spectrum. Whether you claim religion, philosophy or science it is safe to assume that someone will say something that will embarrass you by association. That’s life.

My in-laws have had some really interesting responses to my husband’s and my atheism. They say that they want to understand where we are coming from, but when they ask us questions they never listen to the answers.

When presented with Pascal’s wager, my husband asked them how they knew their particular denomination of Christianity was true. Their reply was that there is only one denomination. To which I replied with several examples of other denominations….no response from them. They have also told us that there is only one translation of the Bible…again I gave them several examples and they had no reply. Either they have never really thought about this or they just didn’t realize these facts because it’s not something their pastor brings up.

The funniest thing they’ve asked us was regarding our Flying Spaghetti Monster emblem on our car. When we first got it, they tried to subtly stare at it once in awhile. We could tell they were perplexed. Finally, my fil asked my husband, “is that satanic or something?” Again we found ourselves explaining that we do not believe in Satan either 🙂 Funny, all they had to do was google FSM and they could have had all the info they wanted.

I’d have to say the most annoying comment I get, whenever I mention the word atheist to certain “bible christians” recently, is that stupid “fool” verse from the old testament (usually when I asked if I have friends who are atheists and I say yes and that they are nice people). I’ve met people who base their ENTIRE judgement on a person they’ve never even met just b/c they are an atheist based on that ONE verse. It’s ridiculous. The blank stares I get when I tell them that the verse is wrong is priceless. Then they ask me “well you said you believe in a higher power right?” I tell them “yeah, but not the biblical God. I have deistic concept when it comes to the possibility of a higher power”. This totally confuses them. The best answer I got was “you can’t think there is anything other than the bible god”. Of course the reason this is so is because the bible says so. They just can’t think outside the bible. Bringing up other religions confuses them even more.

Also, when I first started joining agnostic and deist groups on myspace, I started getting all these emails and requests, mostly from xtians. Most, like you mentioned, were nice and just geniunely curious about my beliefs. But I also started getting all these people like “prayer warrior” and all those types wanting to add me. It was obvious why (mind you, all I did was join a few groups-I think some of these people troll through groups for people to target). Needless to say, I didn’t add them.

Hemant, I think I might be able to shed some light on why sometimes people introduce you as a “real live atheist”. I was raised liberally religious, as you know-I knew all about different religions, but it never even occured to me that someone could NOT believe in God (s), b/c everyone around me believed in some kind of God (s). I had Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, Pagan friends-but I had never heard of atheists. I met my first atheist at age 13, and my reaction wasn’t one of anger, but genuine confusion. I remember thinking “someone can NOT believe in God? that’s possible?” And I admit that was followed by awe. The whole “wow, a real person who actually doesn’t believe in any Gods”. It just had never come up and it never occured to me it was even possible. As a kid I just assumed everyone believed. I would imagine it’s the same for some of these people. Perhpas some of their audience has never thought about or heard that not only can you not believe in a diety, but there is a sizable amount of the population that does not. Some people react with anger but some will react with confusion and awe as well. For my part, I didn’t say anything bad to the first atheist I met (she was 13 as well). But she probably thought I was nuts at the time cause I kept staring at her. I was just amazed, not in a good or bad way, just amazed. And I grew up in a pretty liberal part of the country. I got over it though-and she and I actually became quite friendly by the end of high school.

I agree though, they shouldn’t introduce you this way. They should get over their shock, b/c it sounds really patronizing. If a 13 year old kid can do it, so can they!

What fruit will grow in a True Christians life:

1. Repentance – A 180 degree turn away from sinful behavior and towards Godly behavior.

2. Thankfulness – A thankful heart that is grateful for what God has done… and shows itself in a cheerful disposition.

3. Good Works – A life that becomes others centered (helping the aged, feeding the poor, teaching children, etc.) Not self centered (all free time consumed in personal hobbies and interests)

4. Fruit of the Spirit – An ever-growing capacity of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness and self control in the life of the believer.

5. Fruit of Righteousness – Doing the right thing according to the way God defines it in his word. Not according to the way man defines it in his own mind.

We are here to get fruit bearing Christians not decisions for Christ to fill pews.

If we understand the parable in Mark 4:3-13 then it unlocks the secret to all parables: Foolish virgin=false convert Wise virgin=Genuine conversions. The good fish, the bad fish. The man who built his house on rock and the man who built his house on sand. The one who built his house on sand is the one who hears the word of Jesus but doesn’t keep them. False Convert.

6 characteristics of a False Convert:

1. Mark 4:5 – Lack depth of understanding. Immediate results impressive changes occur quickly then false convert will fall away from their faith over time and the results and changes disappear.

2. Luke 8:6 – False convert lack moisture in other words they lack the life-giving and life-sustaining power of God’s word. To a false convert the Bible is dry and uninteresting and struggles with daily devotions.

3. Matthew 13:6 – False convert have no roots like a plant that dries up when the heat comes because it’s roots aren’t deep enough to reach water to sustain it. So is the false convert who’s faith dries up where persecution comes his roots of faith don’t run deep enough to reach the life sustaining water of God’s word and Holy Spirit.

Mark 4:16 – False Converts receive the word with gladness. Hears the gospel message with gladness and really seems to latch on to it. He may express, for example, with tear filled eyes of joy. How this is the answer he’s been looking for. When any test or trials comes his way, excuses become his trademark he falls away from following Jesus.

5. Matthew 13:20 – Repeats that same point false convert receive the word with joy (at first)

6. Luke 8:13 – Because they do believe for a season this is the one that fools the most people because they do believe, for a short time, the Gospel message. These false converts walk and talk a very good game. They often sincerely believe the Vital truths. That Jesus was born of a virgin, lived a sinless life, died a sacrificial death and rose from the earth and that he was fully man and fully God. they believe those things in their mind. When it comes time to deny himself, take up his cross, and follow Jesus into test and self sacrifice the false convert displays, slowly but surely, the truth that they never believed in their hearts. Never made that commitment to Christ and eventually becomes distracted by the worries and opportunities of life and lives for himself not Christ.

I guess we can add Dan to the list since he thinks those Chrispies that make such stupid comments must be ‘false converts’… otherwise, they would have sounded brilliant, I sure. Dan neglects to consider, however, that all the bible requires, quite literally, to be a convert is belief coupled with confession from the mouth. The bible never said a convert had to be intelligent.
As for the dumbest thing ever said to me by a Chrispie: How do you sleep at night? Doy, with my eyes closed, in a bed – just like you.

It’s unfortunate that you get so many stupid comments from Christians. The Bible says that all believers should be ready all times to have an answer for their faith. I wish Christians would spend less time talking until they have spent time studying what they are actually supposed to believe.

I say this as a Christian who takes time to read the Bible regularly so that I don’t make comments such as those that you have quoted. Please forgive those who have made comments out of ignorance and search out those who actually have a bit of knowledge about what they believe and not just zealousness out of ignorance.

Grace & Peace

The “real live atheist” quip does at first sound like something on exhibit at the zoo that might throw its feces at the visitors, but the remark could have been delivered in a kidding, facetious way, meaning “We know this is unusual for our show, but it really could be interesting.” The tone is everything. Only Hemant knows because he heard it.

The guy praying for the book to tank deserves a response asking him how often God does what he tells Him to do. It must be useful having an all-powerful employee.

The long-winded random Bible quoter commenting above is a deranged troll who has degraded conversations on this site before until they center entirely and futilely around his sick ideas. It’s best to ignore him.

Carlos, thanks for your encouraging and clarifying remarks. I hope your more reasonable voice can be heard by some of the ignorant zealots you speak of.

Every one of those 6 indicators of a “false convert” is a method of transferring the Message’s failure to “transform the convert” onto the convert, himself.
Basically, it’s the True Scotsman fallacy. If he doesn’t stick with it, he was never really a believer.

LOL 🙂 Nice catch.

Lee said, that all the bible requires, quite literally, to be a convert is belief coupled with confession from the mouth.

Most people think if you confess to some dude then you will avoid that day of judgement. That is not true at all! Try that in a court room “yea judge I confess”, Do you really think the Judge would say “whew I almost sent you to jail but since you confessed you are free”. Come on! Confession does not save you that is for sure.

The only way to receive the gift of God’s mercy according to the Bible is to REPENT (turn away from sinning) and TRUST in Jesus with your entire life. Then and only then will you have everlasting life.

For Him +†+
Dan

Carlos said,

July 27, 2007 at 4:17 am

Uh Dan, you and Lee are both correct. The Bible says that if you confess with your mouth and believe in your heart that Jesus Christ was raised from the dead, you will be saved. (Romans 10:9)

Do a little more research before you throw stones at someone.

Grace & Peace

Thanks, Carlos. You are more honest than most Chrispies I’ve run across in my years.

Dan seems to think that he has the end all, be all view of ‘Gawd’s Word’. However, there are countless denominations or offshoots of denominations that each have their own little spin of ‘The Book’. But I stand by my last post: Believe and confess, and, by gawd, you ARE saved.
I, for one, am not saved – I do not believe. I am one of the Proud Damned.

Hello, my name is James, and I’m an atheist.

I’d like to explain the 2 + 2 != 4 concept. (Warning: Geeky humor….)

Assume that when we write “2?, and the “2? is a reading taken from some instrument.

Since the reading is “2?, not “2.0? or “2.3?, we must assume that the tenths digit is not, in fact, known; thus the “2? could really be any value from 1.5 through 2.4999; our instrument isn’t precise enough to show this, and shows only the closest value it can measure (”2?).

However, suppose the instrument is measuring steam pressure on two lines (A and B) that eventually link up, through vavles, into line C.

We might have A and B both read “2?, with an underlying pressure of 1.5 and 1.5 — and thus once combined, the pressure in line C would be “3?!

Likewise, were the pressures in A and B actually 2.4, the combined pressure of 4.8 would be read in line C as “5?.

Thus, 2 (plus or minus 0.5) does not necessarily equal 4.

(ducks and runs away from the rotten vegetables. )

that’s cool. thanks for explaining. do you really think that this is what the xtian who sent Hemant that comment meant?

…do you really think that this is what the xtian who sent Hemant that comment meant?

Maria, as the saying goes, God only knows what that comment meant. Maybe it was along the lines of “Believe the impossible if an authority (like scripture or a preacher) tells you it’s true.” Kind of like that awful scene in Orwell’s “1984” where Winston Smith is brainwashed into seeing five fingers when shown four, if the State says there are five. (shudder!)

Darryl, all I have gotten from Carlos’ words so far is an impression of moderation and conciliation. The other one, he who should not be named is a paranoid psychotic. He thinks he knows what he’s talking about too. However if you want to pick a fight with Carlos, please don’t pull me into it.

Darryl, I see nothing wrong with being confident. I would hope that we all would be confident in what we think and believe. I suspect confidence is much better than arrogance.

I also will admit when I am wrong and I willingly admit that I do not know it all. I am not here for a fight but just happened to stumble upon this site. I mean that literally because I use this extension in Firefox called “Stumble!” You ought to check it out. Firefox is much more secure than Internet Explorer, by the way.

Further thought….

The usual sense of “2+2=5” is (looking for a neutral term here…) mystical: in some circumstances, based on things we cannot understand, the scale will read more than it should; therefore, worship the unknown and unknowable force that tipped the scale.

The joke, on the other hand, relies on science: both in recognizing *and defining* the limitations of a measurement, and then using this to explain the apparently anomaly. Implicit in the joke is the notion that no miracle has occured; we simply couldn’t make accurate enough measurements to avoid an anomaly, but we can explain how it probably came about, and that explanation could be tested given mre precise instruments.

okay okay, I gotta a good one that I just got on myspace. talk about crazy comments-Hemant, you weren’t kidding. I’m still getting used to the weird comments some people I’ve met lately make when they find out my beliefs and/or lack of them. But this is definitely the strangest comment I’ve heard so far.

My favorite animals are bunny rabbits. I’ve always wanted one. so a friend sent me a video of baby bunnies, and it was really cute so I posted in on myspace as “something cute to brighten your day”. I got a response from someone on my list who said “wow, you’re not the typical agnostic-most agnostics are allergic to things like cute, furry bunnies”. Yes, you read that right. Doubting the existence of the biblical God means you hate bunnies! Of course, why didn’t I see it before? After all, it follows very logically that if you doubt God, you must not like bunnies and be allergic to them. So, I ask the person who made the comment how he got this idea. His response: he met an agnostic once who sneezed around bunnies. I’m sure that was totally because of his agnosticism! ::sigh::…….the stupidity of some people really scares me….think I’ll go eat some bunnies along with the babies……

Dan said,

August 1, 2007 at 10:17 pm

Let’s beat this horse a little.

Carlos wrote “Uh Dan, you and Lee are both correct. The Bible says that if you confess with your mouth and believe in your heart that Jesus Christ was raised from the dead, you will be saved. (Romans 10:9) Do a little more research before you throw stones at someone.”

So I ask you Carlos is that all that is required? Confess without repentance will still save you?

I was making the point without repentance you are not saved. Do you agree?

Dan, Dan, Dan…tsk, tsk.
You were SO intent upon making your point that you completely overlooked my point: You don’t have to be intelligent to repent. Conversely, you don’t have to be intelligent to be non-repentant. I have seen on this blog stupid comments from believers and nonbelievers alike.

The Bible is full of disclaimers about converts such as the ones you listed, but if you get down to the brass tacks, the Bible says believe and confess and you are saved… period. Obviously, staying saved is quite another matter, or else the Bible wouldn’t have to make excuses as to why said salvation does not neccessarily stick with a person for life.
If a person can’t stay saved, then surely they must have been a false convert, goat, tare, infidel, or whatever.

God forbid that a person believe at the time and then change their mind… why, such a thing simply cannot happen if you are for real (insert appropriate amount of sarcasm here).

AS I read in Richard Dawkin’s, The God Delusion, religion is nothing short of a virus or a pandemic. A few are completely immuned, a few are seriously bed ridden, but for the most part, almost everyone else is moderately effected. Though this majority is infected to a lesser degree then the terminally ill fundumentalists, its still a social disease none the less.