Read Your Horoscope July 12, 2007

Read Your Horoscope

Normally, we should all just skip over these… but Ain’t Christian’s Fundamentalist Horoscopes are obviously true and just full of damn good advice, so you have to read them.

Like this one:

Aries (March 21 – April 20) Even though it will turn out she was merely waiting for the bus, you’ll glow with pride this weekend when your six year- old douses a girl’s blouse with blood outside an abortion clinic – Tonight: Reach out to a family member you haven’t chastised in awhile and give them an earful

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  • Mriana

    Actually, Christianity and Judaism evolved from astrotheology, so it is VERY Christian. I was onto this theory before I read Acharya, but you can see evidence of this if you read Shakespeare. Of course, one has to be looking for such things and/or know them when they see it. I wrote a paper on the mix of myth and Christianity in Midsummer Night’s Dream (with a couple others mentioned in the paper): I wrote that before reading Acharya, but for me she confirms that I have been onto something all of these years.

    Astrology in the religion is nothing new and can be found even in today’s religions. It’s still there, but very well obscured in allegory. The reason why it is hidden is because those who created it by mixing there various predominate religions of the time did not want the masses to know where it came from. As for why it’s not so easy to see in Judaism is because most do not know what they are reading when they read the OT- refering to the allegory. On a side note, Hindu was also assimilated into the Christian religion, but I’ll have to look that up to state it more clearly and report back again tomorrow concerning that.

  • It’s about as accurate as any horoscope… not at all!

    Actually astrology was around WAY before Christianity and Judaism…there were actually 13 signs and they left one out so it made more sense and lined up more easily with the months.

  • Mriana

    Well the 12 apostles stand for the 12 Zodiac signs. That’s just for starters. If you want to learn more you can read up about at

  • Astrology began with the ancient Greeks, before Christianity.

  • Completely unrelated, but everyone should take a gander at Weird Al’s That’s Your Horoscope for Today for some true enlightenment.

  • Oh, and here’s the line I meant to quote (it’s all sung in one breath):

    Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forcasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of the is absolutely true.

  • Steelman

    globalizati said, “Completely unrelated, but everyone should take a gander at Weird Al’s That’s Your Horoscope for Today for some true enlightenment.”

    I must admit I’ve sung along with that CD while commuting.
    Could never pull off the “disclaimer” in one breath though.

  • Mriana

    Intergalactic Hussy said,

    July 12, 2007 at 2:49 pm

    Astrology began with the ancient Greeks, before Christianity.

    Yes, I know, but early Christians used it and in allegory you can see it in the Bible. Jesus (Pisces) as in IES is the Sun and based on astrology, but not too many X-ians are aware of that now days.

  • Thanks for the linkback.

    I read a book by E. W. Bullinger once that tied the zodiac into astronomy, and bible numerics quite nicely. Well, I believed it at the time. Here’s some interesting revelations from memory.

    The whole bible story was there written in the stars. Virgo the virgin, (the head of the sphinx) to the Lion of Judah (the back of the Shphinx). Cancer was originally the dung beatle (meaning resurrection and renewal) so… um that makes christ the dung beatle? and so on and blah blah blah…

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